sunfish

I slept His arm held me close I was sleeping in a hammock rocking in the breeze cool and sweet Aroma of musk and sweet pine I was sailing on the open water I could see innocent children skipping rocks on the beach the sun glistening off of their blond hair Everything at peace I sleep Knowing his arms are around me no matter where I go I am at peace Smelling and tasting his love Sailing with faith and happiness

Always on the run

I was born...
Into a home of love and trust
God had a plan for me

She said in that old apartment one day,
"lady you have a halo around you, you will do great things and prosper"
I didn't know her and she was crazy

Who am I
I am distant from reality
Do I resist this greatness that she talked about
I protect and hide this anger
The light is within grasp
I am invincible
and meek

Hungry
for the...

Cross
and the love, the eternal love
where I can hold his hand
rocking in my chair
looking at
golden wheat
in the
wind

The smell of the wet
 rain in my hair
running

like a child

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
 I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world,
and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.
The leaves are all dead on the ground,
 Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
 And let them go scraping and creeping
 Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.
And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
 The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question "Whither?"
 Ah, when to the heart of man
 Was it ever less than a treason
 To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
 And bow and accept the end Of a love or a season?

 Robert Frost

mozart and bread

Katrien


The girl from Now Zad, I wonder about her daily. Does her brother still pick on her, is she beaten daily for being a girl. Does she still have a beautiful smile? I would love to brush her hair and put a sparkly barrette in it. I remember it matted with blood and dirt and the fear in her eye when I went to grab a stick out of it.  She crouched in horror, So I crouched down next to her and gave her a piece of candy. I reassured her that I wasn't going to hurt her.  She was an orphan. Who will be there to strengthen her and tell her it will all be ok?


I am thankful for my parents, the ones who taught me how to walk on my own two feet. They took me to the ocean side to smell the salty air and tippy toe on the drift wood, they made sure I knew how to walk the streets of the big city. My Father taught me the art of working through a sweat, scraping poles with a draw knife and digging holes till I had calluses on my palms.We spent hours building things, and working on the property through various projects. The pride and joy that he instilled in me, after finishing a project with my own two hands is a gift that I can not thank him enough for. My Mother gave me the gift of laughter and love. No matter how populated a place was, I was sure to find her through the contagious Kim laugh. Through all my trials and tribulations, she loved me for me and encouraged me to be exactly that, me.  She would bake bread while Mozart was in the background and I like to keep the fresh home baked bread aroma in the home a family tradition, because homemade bread is a gift of love.


I hope that my children will grow up to be strong and courageous with a yearning to know more and see more. Through their hard work and dedication I know they will do great things. I hope that I can teach them and love them through it. When they fail I hope they learn how to pick themselves up again and try harder. I hope they are spontaneous and laugh and love like I do.


“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided, but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

 ~ Richard Evans

scalding

I like to be tough and have it together (well look that way).

Engine academy in Naches washignton was for one week June 2005. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years. I packed up my Chevy Silverado to camp for the week, alone and all tough. Instead of claiming perdium and getting put up in a hotel I was going to camp on the Naches River.

Night 1
Jack Johnson and Chris Isaac on the truck radio.
Steak and mushrooms cooking on my hibachi
6 pack of beer
word search
my tent set up
it equalled an excellent night.
In the mornig I was up and at em.
I made camp coffee had some jerkey and I was on my way to class.

Night 2
music changed to Rob Zombie and Alice in chains
hot dog on my hibachi, chips and salsa box of wine...started
equalled an ok night morning, camp coffee and some cereal.

Night 3 last night...
made some soup in my jet boil listened to music...
can't remember what.

Morning....
Well I decided I needed a bath so I jumped in the icy river...jumped out washed all my important parts and jumped back in. I then decided it would be a good idea to wash my hair with my hot water on the stove to warm me up... Whoops. Needless to say I lost some hair that week and blistered my scalp, but I was clean.

Why didn't I stay in a hotel like everyone else? They all partied and had a good time that week. Well I had a campfire every night and danced to the music I liked. I slept next to the sound of the river and had little acorns drop on me in the middle of the night. I got to go wood hunting after class every night and explore the countryside. I close my eyes and taste the river and smell the dry grass of the Naches valley.

scars

I have one on my right elbow

My little black horse growing up could rear on command "Prince"
We would run as fast as we could through the field.
He got hit by lightning once as we were racing Justin and Tucker up the canyon road. He kept racing and running as fast as his legs could take him. When we stopped at the top I smelled something funky. It smelled like burned hooves or horns. I jumped down off my saddle and picked up his feet. All of his shoes were gone. We had been struck by lightning and he just kept fricken running. That horse had heart and determination. By the time he was 28 years old his back was bad and he had horrible arthritis. Poor guy wouldnt let me climb on him anymore. I crawled under the barbed wire fence to get him the day he went away, I cut myself on my right elbow.

In time my mind, heart, and soul will heal, but I hope that I hold on to the scars. They are vivid stories that remind me of the fragile piece of life that I own.

She was so kind to me and she saved my life. Jeanette "Charlie" Rene Atwater. She had three beautiful children. Her auburn hair,and sincere kind voice are a scar in my mind. On his birthday she was raped and stuffed into her car. It was set on fire for us all to watch on the news. January, 16 2000.

My soul holds onto the scar from Oct 4 2010. My truck hit an IED. I will go into the details on a later date. But for this post I am going to talk about my faith and the scar that my soul has on it. we were sweeping for an IED when I was talking to God in my mind. I asked him what happened when Peter lost sight of his faith and asked him if I could take his hand at that moment. While I was asking him I was thinking about the thought of blowing up and how my kids would mis me...I lost my faith and didn't really want to leave it all to him and take his hand. I was too worried about everything and the little details. Right at that moment an IED exploded under my seat. God was holding my hand.

The heart, well it ihad had some major reconstructive surgery. It is still in the ICU. I will get back to you on the many scars that it has endured. Some are raised ugly scars, and some are barely noticeable, and with some ointment you wont even notice them after time.

Turret gunner

I wake up at night

The song "morie sky" sung by Linkin Park
Runs through my head

As the vehicle commander I sometimes relieved my gunner from his duties so he could get some shut eye. We would be out in the desert for many days and had to keep a man on the gun at all times. Our truck had a .50 cal mounted on it.

I remember one mission heading south from Now Zad, crossing through the waddies of the foot. The moon was full and the sun hadn't set yet. Our Vic was rear security, so we had the whole rear sector of fire. I had one ear to the radio, and one ear on the iPod. Right as the sun set over the horizon of the dusty barren, mountains that song came on as I held on to the two handles of the Ma Duece...

I looked over my shoulder
I was super woman for those few minutes

What an amazing feeling

I wouldn't let Thompson back up till the next mission.

That was a good night